OK. i'm working today. doing my duties. the phone rings. i answer. a dude...says he's looking for a lamp. just his luck, we got some yesterday. so 15 minutes later, dude arrives. for the lamp. as a salesman of urban barniture, i do my best to be polite and conversational...first, to be nice, and second, to SELL. it's my living. my lifeblood. my meat and potatoes (no pun intended). anyways...i make the sale, $200 on a gaudy looking blinged out dangly lamp. dude leaves with described lamp.
i must also inform you that while providing the conversation in my salespitch, dude says "my boyfriend is away, and i'm hoping he likes this, but if not, can i return it?" immediately two lightbulbs go off in my head - lightbulb 1: 'this man is gay'. and lightbulb 2: 'yes, you can make returns within 14days with original receipt and packaging'. i tell dude bulb 2, keeping blub 1 to myself.
the day continues. i'm working the barn floor. making my living, right? about 35 minutes after the lamp sale, i get handed the cordless phone from erin - "it's for you". i answer. "hello, ya, it's dude. you sold me the lamp about 30min ago?" and i'm all thinking 'crap, the lamp is broken, or doesn't work'. but then dude continues: "hey, i was just wondering WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT TOGETHER SOMETIME?"
let me tell you, lightbulb 1 is blaring, like the highbeams of a giant semi-truck on the highway, in my mind at this moment.
my reply? "sorry, dude, i'm married." (you'd think the ring on my finger would give it away? maybe i need some bigger ring bling myself!) to which dude is disappointed, and understanding, and i politely say "thanks for the invitation, but i'll have to say no." and the conversation ends.
so...the girls at the barn think this is just incredible that i got picked up at work in my first week. a few of them have had it happen to them before. but rarely the gay proposition. i guess dude's gay-dar-radar is shooting a little sideways...either that, or i'm sending mixed messages. i'm praying it's just mis-directed gay-dar.
and for the record, if i was gay, which i'm not, i am not gonna be "the other man"! dude said he had a boyfriend!! as they say, cheaters never prosper. bad form. bad form.
i'd like to say that i cannot believe this has happened to me. i'd even say i was surprised, but look at my life now! i'm a furniture salesman at a modern upscale furniture store on granville street in downtown vancouver. most of our top clientele are gay couples. or as i like to call them, guples.
oh, the life i live. love you all!!
dt
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4 comments:
How do I say... FUNNIEST STORY EVER. Well, at least in a very long while.
Well told, well handled.
Wow. that's all i've got to say. WOW. By the way, Jon wants to know if you want to go out on Tuesday night?
haha... except he's wondering if the two of you can bring your wives :)
Loved this story Danny! May the Gay-dar force be with you in the future. :)
This is pure comedy. Seriously. Love the new word "guples". Reminds me of the one that we came up with for man boobs - "moobs". Saw your cousin Tom and beautiful wife Heather and baby to be at church the other day. Come visit.
oh wow. Danny you are a great story-teller. I laughed and laughed when I read this post. Thanks for sharing!! hope you and hailey are enjoying your time in V-city so far. Sounds like you've had some adventures!
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